I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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