so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
