my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
