At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ttyl tear gas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
