2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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