Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
