sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize