We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
