is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
