Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it glows. i had to have it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
