only you would photoshop your dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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