The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
