just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
