Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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