Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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