Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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