you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
