I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
