Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize