it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
