And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
