I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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