i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
