Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
