you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
