Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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