I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
