Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
