No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
