Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
