have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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