You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
