put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
