somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
