Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
