bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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