On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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