I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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