I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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