My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
