I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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