He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Holy sore nipples Batman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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