how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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