I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
