people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
