oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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