Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
