Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
