she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
