i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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