doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize