so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
