I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
