Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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