Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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