he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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