if only i could text you this smell
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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