i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
