You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
