Say something about gay babies.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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