I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my phone needs a breathalizer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
