Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
