There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
love makes seman taste better
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
