I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
