i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
