ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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