I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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