Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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