she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
