i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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