is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
