Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
