I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
