Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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