I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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