I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pants 0. Shit 1.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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