we have officially lost it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I believe in your delicious
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
