he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
