dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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