i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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