She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize